


Laughter Lines

by kittenkanaya



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst to the max, Based on a song, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mindbroken! Lance, Time Travel, Time Traveler! Shiro, bittersweetness, please don't destroy me its just a fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 14:57:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13883253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenkanaya/pseuds/kittenkanaya
Summary: Shiro has a rare ability: he can travel through time, revisiting any point in time he wants. Faced with an unbearable present, Shiro finds solace in reliving some of the best moments that he’s shared with the love of his life, Lance.Feat. Mindbroken Lance who cannot time travel and one (1) Shiro who can. Nothing explicit in this, despite the warnings.





	Laughter Lines

**Author's Note:**

> Wow okay so this is a fic I wrote for the APHELION Zine earlier in the summer. This is directly based on the song Laughter Lines by Bastille and loosely based on the Time Travelers Wife with the rules regarding time travel implied in it. This is not the original ending, because I had to change it for the zine to keep it rated M. Later this summer I will be uploading the original version of the story with the original ending and a few more scenes. That version will be split into chapters and rated Explicit. As I stated before, this is the SFW zine version with the only change being the names of Lance's siblings in honor of season 5.  
> With all of that aside, put on Laughter Lines, enjoy, and let me know what you thought about It!

 

Shiro passes by a stack of encouragement cards arranged haphazardly on the shelf in the store. He raises an eyebrow at one.

 

_ “Love conquers all _ ” it reads. It couldn't be more wrong. 

 

If Shiro had learned anything, it was that love was just a barb that got stuck between your ribs. It warmed you to the core and gave you a sense of safety when sated, but twisted and pulled and  ached when you weren't providing what it needed; and Shiro knew that love was greedy. It needed and needed and needed, even when there was no love to be given. Even when the person who gave you the all-consuming warmth of that emotion was in a closed-off room where no warm blooded human should be—staring quietly into space with no higher thought working behind those incredible blue eyes.

 

Shiro furrows his brow and quickly looks away from the card. He’s supposed to be going to a remote part of the store, not thinking about  _ him _ . Especially when he’s about to see  _ him _ and rid himself of his bitterness for just a moment. 

 

He reaches a back corner of the store where no camera’s view can reach and pulls a small diary out of his pocket. Shiro opens it and looks at the first page. All it said was this: 

_  
_ _ October 18th, 1995 _

_ We play in the garden together at the tree stump. It’s the best place on Earth. _

  
That's all it needed to say.

 

He closes his eyes and feels everything contracting, his stomach lightly burning—as if he'd eaten really spicy food that didn't quite agree with him. His skin grows warm and he feels a breeze. When he opens his eyes, everything is bathed in hot sunlight and he's surrounded by flora that he knows all too well. Looking down, he notes that he's shorter and smaller, and it's almost instinctual now to reach up to feel at his nose. It's tiny and unscarred. The travel succeeded. He's in his ten-year-old body again, standing in the garden where his parents first met and used to take him on picnics. Ironically, it's where he's about to meet  _ him _ . 

 

Shiro begins to jog in the direction of  _ his _ run-down house. It's odd moving around in a child’s body, but he doesn't pay much mind to it. He just wants to see the person whom he has lost. Maybe if he sees  _ him _ again he'll be able to be at peace; he can get over his attachment issues and move on with his life and forget. He hasn't Traveled in a while and, unlike before, he doesn't really have a reason do so, other than his own selfish intentions. This time, he only wants to see a warm smile.

 

As he approaches the house, he sees _him_. A six-year-old Cuban boy with a grin that mends his broken heart. A boy that deserved every happy thing in the world, and so much more than Shiro could ever hope to offer him. The boy who, in Shiro’s present day, could hardly breathe without help—whose smile had long since been extinguished, and whose bright eyes had dimmed like a doll’s that sat on a shelf.

 

_ Lance McClain _ .

 

Shiro is about to step out of the woods when he’s suddenly hit with a realization: _What did he say to Lance the first time_? This thought distresses him and he begins pacing back and forth, attempting to remember. As he paces, he hears a loud, melodic laugh and he smiles softly. Lance has always had the best laugh. It never failed to make Shiro feel better after a particularly stressful Travel—not that he'd ever told Lance that he was able to do it in the first place. Caught up in his train of thought, he begins pacing again. He doesn't notice a branch in his path until the _crack_ resonates through the air and Shiro’s world comes to a halt. He stops breathing and notices that Lance’s laughter has gone quiet. He hears footsteps thumping towards him, which stop abruptly at the edge of the woods. A heavily accented, shaky voice calls out to him.

 

“Uhm? Who's there? Uh...uhm...I-I’ll beat you up if you're here to hurt Veronica or Marco or even Luis! I will!”

 

Shiro doesn't answer immediately. Instead, he slowly edges forward and peeks out from the bush. Lance is on the other side, dressed in dirty clothes slightly too big for him. His hole-filled shirt hangs slightly off of one shoulder and he carries a stuffed blue lion in his tiny arms. It’s dirty and worn to shit, but Shiro can tell that it was more than well-loved. The six-year-old jolts and gazes up at him in awe.

 

“Whoaaaa you're a big kid!” Lance exclaims softly. He gazes for a moment longer before shaking his head and glaring at Shiro with a sour expression that was rather endearing. Even as a child, Lance was still so cute. Shiro snorts and steps fully out of the brush. “Yeah, I guess I am. But I'm not  _ that _ old right now. I'm 10. You're 6, right?” 

 

Lance raises an eyebrow suspiciously and his tiny fingers grip the lion tighter, giving away how intimidated he still is. He nods slowly before answering, “Yes. How did you know?”

 

Shiro’s heart stops. How  _ had  _ he known back then that Lance was 6? He hadn’t spoken to Lance yet. Frankly, he hadn’t even seen him yet. What lie could Shiro tell that six-year-old Lance might believe?

 

“... We're neighbors. I’ve seen you playing and I wanted to join you, and today is the day I got enough courage to come ask.”    
  
A moment passes before Lance flashes a toothy grin. “You wanted to play with me? I… I’d love to play! What do you want to play?”    
  
Shiro exhales softly. He already knows what and where he wants to play with Lance. 

 

“Follow me. I'm gonna take you to my favorite place on Earth. It means a lot to me and I know you're going to like it. When we get there we can play tag. You like tag, right?”

 

Lance's eyes light up. “Your favorite place? I want to see!!! It must be cool. Oh, and yeah I know tag. It's… it's a chasing game, right?” He looks confused, as if he's only heard of it instead of having actually played it.

 

Shiro nods and motions for Lance to follow him. “Yup. You'll like it, I promise.” He begins walking back into the forest, but glances back at Lance to see if he’s following. Lance was creeping slowly forward, still unsure and not quite trusting yet. He’s hiding most of his face behind the stuffed animal. He raises an eyebrow and warily asks, “You prooooomise?” Shiro can only laugh in response. 

 

_ Oh. _ He hadn't laughed in a long time. Not since—

 

No. He wasn't thinking about that now.

 

He smiles gently. “I do. Cross my heart. Come on, I don’t have much time.” Lance’s eyebrows shoot up.

 

“Why? Did you sneak out to play with me without telling your parents?” Shiro nods quickly.

 

“Y-yeah. I think I only have an hour or so.” Shiro realizes with a start at how short his time here in the past will be. Lance’s face scrunches up.

 

“How long is an hour? Mami’s never told me what that is. She just tells me when it’s time to get up, when to play, when to eat, and when to sleep.” He counts on his fingers as he lists the activities.

 

Shiro is surprised. “Aren’t you in school? An hour is about how long nap time is.” Lance shakes his head.

 

“Nope! Mami says we can’t afford for me to go to school yet—whatever that means. I guess it means I can’t go yet.” Lance shrugs and toes the ground with his foot for a moment before smiling. “I can’t wait until I can go, though! I hope I make lot of friends!”

 

“I’ll be your friend. Now, do you wanna play with me? It’s fine if you don’t wanna see my favorite place ever.” Shiro drags out  _ favorite  _ in a sing-songy tone. He knows that’ll get Lance’s attention. And of course, it works like a charm. Lance gasps and steps forward a bit.

 

“N-nooo I do! Take me there. I wanna play with a big kid!” He pouts slightly and sticks his lower lip out pleadingly. Shiro’s heart melts.

 

“Okay then, c’mere.” Shiro offers his hand out to Lance and the little boy runs forward to grasp it tightly. They share a smile and Shiro distantly registers the urge to cry. He represses it adamantly because this is supposed to be _ happy.  _ He lightly squeezes Lance’s hand back and turns around. He starts jogging lightly, mindful of how Lance’s legs are far shorter, clumsier, and slower. The air is warm and muggy and he’s with Lance again; it couldn’t be more perfect. They run for a few minutes before they arrive at the clearing. Everything is bathed in golden sunlight and when Shiro turns around, Lance’s skin is soaked in the most beautiful caramel color that he’s ever seen. Lance’s cheeks are red and he’s panting for breath. His blue eyes are wide and he looks at the area with wonder. Shiro’s chest fills with pride at the knowledge that Lance is in awe of something so close to his heart. 

 

He nudges the boy gently to wake him from his stupor. Still holding Lance’s hand, Shiro leads him to the tree stump and gets down onto his knees. He prompts Lance to do the same and the boy obeys, but looks at him expectantly. Shiro traces the rings of the tree gently and after a moment, he speaks up.

 

“My parents used to take me here on picnics nearly every afternoon. It always made me happy. But… my mom died last year, so my dad stopped taking me here. But before she died, we’d sit around the stump—just like this—and put a blanket on top and spend a whole afternoon eating and laughing. Then we’d nap and when we’d wake up, it’d be nearly dark. We’d walk home at that point, and mom would insist that we walk hand and hand. It was the safest I’ve ever felt.” Shiro restrains himself from saying  _ before I met you and fell in love _ and continues. “My parents told me that this is where they met and fell in love. ‘Cept there was an actual tree here back then. It was really old, but one day some really mean guy came and cut it down. They told me that it was exactly ten years before I was born that they met here in the glade and the tree got cut down later that year. They really bonded over that and eventually fell in love. Said that every time we came here, they thanked it because if it weren’t for the tree they wouldn’t have had me.” 

 

Shiro stops and looks over at Lance who is staring at him with wide eyes. He blinks slowly and then looks meaningfully at the tree. He quietly sets his little blue lion in the center of the stump and presses his right cheek into the wood, shutting his eyes tightly. He stretches his small arms as far as they will go around the stump and whispers into the wood, as if he were saying a prayer or a secret. 

 

“I-I don’t really know how you gave my friend’s parents him, but I’m really happy. I’m happy that you did because you also gave me my first friend. I don’t know his name yet, but thank you Mr. Tree.” Lance stays like that for a few more seconds and finally pulls away.

 

Shiro is stunned. This time, he can’t stop the tears that fall. He hugs the smaller boy tightly. “My name’s Shiro. And I’m thankful too—so thankful.” His breath shudders for a bit before he can regain control of himself again and pull away. He looks Lance in the eye and smiles shakily.

 

“How ‘bout we play tag now, yeah?” Lance nods and grins, but stops as he’s getting back up.

 

“Oh! Um, my name’s Lance. And how do we play?”

 

Shiro pauses. “Um… you chase me around until you catch me and then, if you aren’t too tired, I try and catch you. Does that sound okay?” Lance nods eagerly. 

 

Without warning, Lance lunges forward towards him. Shiro tumbles sideways and steps up onto the stump, launching himself over to other side of it. He stumbles and whips around to see Lance sprinting around the other side of the stump. He barks out a laugh and begins running. The back and forth continues for quite a while, until Lance suddenly trips and falls. He lets out a screech of surprise and a small “ _ uhng!”  _ when he lands. He starts sniffling and instantly Shiro is by his side. 

 

“Lance! Are you okay? Did you scrape your knee?” Lance is silent for a moment before pushing himself up onto his hands and knees. He sniffles and looks as if he is about to sob. Shiro offers out a hand and Lance grabs it, but then his pained face morphs into a smug, shit-eating grin. He plants his feet into the ground and the tiny Cuban boy pulls Shiro on top of him. They fall backwards onto the ground. Lance starts cackling in self-satisfaction.

 

“I gotchaaaa! Taggy tag taaag! You’re it Shiroooo! I wiiin!” He continues laughing as Shiro scowls and pushes up onto his elbows. “That wasn’t fair! You tricked me. That’s cheating.” He can feel his face reddening in embarrassment. Lance flaps his arms wide on the ground next to him, chest heaving in exertion. 

 

“You never said there were rules. So, it isn’t cheating. I’m not a bully. I’m clever.”

 

“You’re a menace. Let’s take a little break, okay? I need to catch my breath.” Lance shrugs and sits up, crawling on his knees until he can lay partially on top of the tree stump. He has a soft grin on his face as he lays there quietly. He begins gently tracing the tree’s rings. Shiro gets up and walks over to the stump, joining him. He points to the rings. 

 

“Hey, did you know that you can tell how old a tree is by how many rings it has? Each one means it’s lived for a year. This one’s got over a hundred or two, ya know?” He brushes his hands against the rings. Quietly, he speaks up again. “I guess by doing this we’re kind of tracing the tree’s history—centuries at least. Centuries in the past.”

 

Lance is quiet for a moment before speaking up. “Kind of like...what’s it called? Time...travel, I think?” 

 

Shiro’s blood freezes and his breath stutters before shakily smiling. “Y-yeah. It kind of is. Sad though that you have to cut it down and kill it to know it’s history. It’s history is hidden inside, but it was beautiful even before it died.” Shiro only manages to get this out at slightly above a whisper. He clears his throat and sits up.

 

“How about I chase you now? I think we’ve recovered enough. What do you think?” Lance smirks and sits up.

 

“You’ll never ever catch me. Go ahead and try.” He scooches off of the stump and primes himself to sprint. As soon as he sees Shiro twitch towards him, he starts running. However, he only gets a few yards before Shiro lunges for his feet and captures his ankle. Lance begins hopping and turns around to face Shiro a second before falling backwards and landing hard. Shiro gets up quickly and crawls on top of Lance, effectively pinning him. He holds Lance's hands down and looks into his eyes. They start laughing, but in the midst of it, Shiro feels a slight burning in his stomach. His time is nearly up. He needs to wrap this up quickly.

 

“Lance… I've had a lot of fun but it's time for me to go. I need to leave.”

 

Lance looks up at him. “Will I see you again?”

 

“I'll see you in the future when we’re older.”

 

“Older?” Lance looks confused.

 

“Um, when we both have stories to tell each other.”

 

Lance looks relieved. “Oh. Promise you'll be back?”

 

Shiro places his forehead against Lance's. “Cross my heart and hope to die. I'll see you with your laughter lines.”

 

Lance smiles and closes eyes. “I can't wait.” 

 

As soon as he says this, the burn in Shiro's gut increases and he knows that he can't stay any longer. He releases Lance's wrists and gets up, pulling Lance into a hug once they are righted. Lance smells of sunshine, spice, and sweat; and Shiro  _ knows _ that it should be enough. He was able to spend another hour with Lance, and that was all he'd come to the past for. Originally, he realizes, he was only supposed to see Lance from a distance and then leave. Oh well. He can't bring himself to regret it.

 

Lance wriggles out of the hug just enough to reach over onto the stump and grab the ratty little blue lion. He leans back into Shiro and looks at the stuffed animal for a long moment before gently pressing it into Shiro’s chest. He pouts a bit and looks up at the taller boy.

 

“Take Blue. She's my favorite. I always hug her when I get sad or lonely but… I want you to have her now. It'll remind you to come back to me. But now, you won't ever get scared or sad! She's good at making me happy so she'll make you happy too.”

Shiro is quiet for a moment, but gently grips the toy and pulls away from Lance. He whispers a “ _ Thank you _ ” before he starts running into the forest, not looking back. He'd lose his will if he did. As soon as he’s deep enough into the trees, completely sure that Lance can no longer see him, he allows the burn in his stomach to spread to the rest of his body. This time, he feels as if he were being stretched and his skin being cooled. When he opens his eyes, he’s back in the store. He’s back in his present day.

 

He sits down on the tiled floor and looks at his lap. Blue sits there quietly, her stitched smile and dirty, black glass eyes stare back at him. Guilt washes over him.

 

He still loves Lance. Even seeing him  _ one last time _ as he used to be was not enough to break his longing. Why couldn't he stop these feelings? They've burned him once, so why does he want to go back  _ again _ ? He knows he doesn't know the answer. If he did, he would've cut his feelings off a long time ago. Long before so many events that let him know the difference between when you were lonely and when you weren’t. He walks out of the store in a daze, clutching Blue.

 

He doesn't know where he's walking and he can't bring himself to care. All he can think about is Lance, Lance,  _ Lance _ . He doesn't make it more than half of a mile before he walks to the closest park. The street lights are off for the night. Shiro can see a spot hidden by some trees that's nearly completely enshrouded by shadows. A hobo or two sits around the park, but he can tell that none of them could see the bench nearest the tree. 

 

He's weak. 

 

Shiro walks to the bench without a second thought and sits down, setting Blue in his lap. He thinks about the next time in Lance's life he might like to revisit, so he pulls out the diary. He skips the first few pages since they are merely follow-ups of the day he just came back from. And while he loved the play date, he wants something different this time. He considers going to when Lance is seventeen—their first date. But… no. No, he wants to see a Lance that didn't love him yet. He chooses a date a few years after that first meeting:   
  


_ March 22, 2001 _

_ We talk about his future and what he wants to be. It’s quiet and we go swimming. He tells me a secret. _

 

Shiro can't remember what secret an 11-year-old would've had, but he doesn't think that his fifteen-year-old body would be too bad to be back in. That event in time seems calm, and a good end to today. He can stop the Travels after this. He… he might even go see Lance in the morning. Yeah. That sounds good. He promises himself that this is the last one. Deep down, a dark part of him tells him that it won’t be.

 

Ignoring it, he steadies his breath and closes his eyes. The light behind his eyelids does not change, but he feels suddenly cooler as he smells salt and hears quiet waves. He opens his eyes and it’s dark, the moon providing the only light. He looks down and sees that he’s in a swimsuit and sitting in some sand. He figured that this would be how and where he appeared in this time, but it’s a little jarring to not have any scars on his torso and to still have his arm. Because his arm is still there, Shiro doesn’t bother feeling at his nose this time. While looking down, he realizes that he doesn’t have Blue with him and that the toy must still be in the present. He decides that that’s fine and stands up. He revels in the quiet hush of the waves and wind for a moment before walking out of the shadows and onto the open beach. He’s only able to get his feet in the water before he hears a soft gasp.

 

He turns around and sees Lance. He’s taller than before, but still has a baby face and not really any muscles to speak of. His physique, caught between a small child like before and a budding teenager, is kind of adorable. Still, child-like or not, it's who he wants to see. 

 

Lance's eyes are wide and his face splits into a giant, toothy grin. “Shiro! It's you! What are you doing here? I haven't seen you in almost a year!” he exclaims. Shiro smiles softly.

 

“I've… been busy. But it's really great to see you again. And I'm here for some night swimming. The water is calmer, you know?” Lance nods and runs forward to embrace Shiro in a tight hug. It throws him backwards a bit, but Shiro recovers and squeezes the small boy back. He lets his eyes fall shut and enjoys the hug. After a few long seconds, Lance pulls away and sits down in the sand at the edge of the water, stretching his legs out so the water hits his feet when a wave rolls in. He motions for Shiro to sit next to him, and he obliges. When Shiro's fully situated, he leans back on his hands and glances over at Lance, who looks nearly ready to burst with questions and statements. 

 

“I've missed you soooo much, Shiro! But, I'm not gonna bother you by asking where you were because last time we played you warned me not to and said that it was a bad idea. You said that sometimes you aren't even sure where you've been. I don't know what that means, but I'll stick to your advice. Anyways, I wanted to tell you about my big decision at school!” 

 

Lance takes a deep breath and looks at Shiro expectantly, his grin still firmly in place. He'd gotten nearly all of his spiel out in a single breath. It was just so much like how Shiro remembers Lance being before the  _ incident _ that he can't help but lean forward and bump his shoulder into Lance's. “Go on,” he says. Lance nods eagerly.

 

“I decided I'm gonna be an astro… um. What's the word again? As-tro-naut? I think? It’s the people that go into space and all that cool junk. I know I'm only 11 but I'm dead set on it! And… and I'm gonna prove everyone who says I can't do it because I got a late start in school wrong!” He looks adamant about this, and all but glares out at the black ocean, his small hands making fists in the sand.

 

Shiro smiles. “I know that you can do it. If anybody can become an astronaut, it's you. In fact, I know for  _ certain _ that you're going to go to flight and space school,” he states confidently, making Lance’s grin widen even farther and he puffs out his bony chest with pride. 

 

It's silent for a minute or so, the only noise they can hear being the waves and wind. It isn't awkward, but Shiro wants to make sure he gets his time's worth of conversation; he has a limit to his Travels, after all. 

 

Though he knows what Lance is like in the future, he can't help but ask, “So, have you… gotten a girlfriend or something while I was gone? Any crushes?”

 

Lance blanches and a look of intense thought and concern passes over his face. He leans forward and stares so hard at the sand around his feet that Shiro thinks that he might bore a hole into it. He's quiet, but definitely looks like he has something that he wants to say. Shiro knows better than to press Lance for information when he isn't ready to give it, though, so he silently waits. It isn't too much longer before Lance closes his eyes, takes a shaky breath, and speaks up.

 

“Shiro, I… I want you to know something. I've only told one other person and it did  _ not  _ turn out well. It's just, before I tell you, can you promise me you won't stop being my friend? You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you over something like this.”  He's starting to tear up and he looks into Shiro’s eyes desperately, seeking genuine affirmation.

 

Shiro knows that he can't deny Lance something like that, so he nods. He holds out his pinkie and when Lance hesitantly wraps his own around it, Shiro steadily says, “Cross my heart and hope to die, I promise you this. No matter what secret you have, I will not hate you. I will not abandon you.” 

 

This seems to quell Lance’s fear and he nods back. He lets go of Shiro’s finger. Another breath.

 

“The thing is… I think I like boys as well as girls? I kind of had a crush on this really cool guy at school, so I told him. And then he kind of… freaked out and beat me up. He was calling me really ugly words and stuff. He said I was messed up. What did I do wrong, Shiro? Is it wrong that I think guys are cute too? Am I broken?” he sobs out. 

 

Shiro can't wrap his arms around the preteen quick enough. It makes his heart ache to see Lance hurting like this and he knows that there isn't anything that he can do to make it better. Not even Traveling back to when Lance was beat up would do anything since he couldn't change past events, no matter how hard he tried. He'd tried.

 

Lance buries his face into Shiro’s chest and lets the tears quietly roll down his face and soak into Shiro’s shirt. The two remain there for several minutes, Shiro whispering sweet and calming words in Lance’s ear. It pains Shiro because he had forgotten about this incident; after all, Lance was exceedingly skilled at hiding what hurt him and letting go of past injustices. 

 

When Lance’s sobs have quieted to sniffles, Shiro lets go and tilts back to sit normally again. Lance isn't speaking, so Shiro considers what to say. He supposes that he could always tell Lance something about himself, but he isn't entirely sure what Lance knew about him at this point. Well, it's worth a shot anyways. 

 

He clears his throat and speaks up. “H-hey, Lance. Since you've told me a secret about yourself, why don't I tell you something about me?”

 

The younger boy is quiet, but his eyes widen slightly and he nods. He scrubs at his cheeks in attempt to dry his tears and then positions himself so he's facing Shiro more.

 

“I like guys too. Well, I've only ever really liked one and it worked out. That's why I know you aren't broken or messed up. It's totally okay that you like boys. Whether it's a boy or a girl, I know that you'll find the perfect person who'll love you back. Okay?”

 

Lance’s jaw is hanging open slightly in shock. He opens and closes it several times, attempting to respond. Finally, he's able to croak out a soft, “Really?”

 

Shiro nods and smiles. He turns his gaze from Lance to the dark ocean. The warm breeze caresses him and the diary entry comes back to him: 

 

_ We swim. _

 

Gently, he takes Lance’s hand and motions to the ocean with his head. “Why don't we take a short swim? It's been, what, 20 minutes? 30? I've got maybe another 30 minutes or so, so why don't we spend that swimming?”

 

Lance seems eager, and they both stand up. The water washes over Shiro’s feet and it's remarkably cool. When Lance goes out further in front of him, he realizes that they haven't let go of each other's hand. But, for some reason, it isn't awkward. Perhaps it isn't for him because the feeling of Lance’s hand in his is a familiar feeling. It's comfortable. He can't bring himself to let go.

 

When they're both waist deep, he's suddenly blinded by salt water. His hand slips out of Lance’s and he falls back. He wipes his eyes and stands back up to see Lance smiling at him. He's reminded of the smile Lance had when they played tag in the clearing. A part of him wants to wipe that smile off of his face, so he scoops up as much water as he can into a splash of his own.

 

It hits Lance square in the face and as the water drips down, his smile doesn't fall. Instead, it only grows into a wider smirk, one eyebrow quirked higher than the other. It's this trademark look that lets Shiro know that the battle is on; neither of them are going down without a fight.

 

The splash battle lasts nearly fifteen minutes: tackles and half-hearted splashes included. When they're both thoroughly worn out, they simply relax and tread in the water. Shiro feels fulfilled and happy. He's  _ smiling  _ again. Still, he knows he doesn't have long left. He can already feel the burn in his stomach starting up again. As much as he doesn't want to, he decides that he needs to leave before it gets down to the wire and he can't get away before Traveling and risking Lance seeing it happen.

 

Shiro looks to Lance and mutters a soft, “I-I gotta go really soon. I’m sorry.”

 

To make the most of his time, he lazily swims back to shore and starts walking toward the cover of the trees, but is stopped by Lance’s voice.

 

“Shiro! You're… leaving again? Already? I thought you had a few more minutes left.”

 

“I just figured that I should head back to where I'm staying with a head start. It takes a while to get there from here and I don't want to be late. I'll see you soon enough. Goodbye, Lance.”

 

Those words taste bitter in his mouth and it only grows worse when he sees the sad expression on Lance’s face. Damn it. A part of him wants to push it; yet the other part knows that the strain of staying here too long will harm him much worse than Traveling too much. Either way, he wants to stay but knows he can't. He knows he can't because he'll end up Traveling to a different date as soon as he returns to his own time. 

 

He refuses to meet Lance’s pleading gaze and runs back into the trees before he risks staying until his limit. Even as he's running, he hears Lance cry out for him; he isn't sure whether the pain in his stomach and chest is from the strain of Traveling, or from heartbreak and guilt. He closes his eyes to stop any possible tears from forming and falling.

 

His stomach churns and he regrets running while Traveling. Shiro forces his eyes open and sees that he's back at the park, but he's standing. His hands are empty, and a flash of panic zings through him. He quickly snaps his head around, looking for the missing items. He finds the notebook sitting open on the bench beside where he'd been sitting, Blue slumped next to it. He lets out a sigh of relief.

 

Briefly, he wonders if it's still on the page it was on when he left, since the night wind was pretty strong, so he picks it up and glances over it. It isn't. Instead, it's been flipped to a separate entry, five years into the future of when he just came back from. Looking at the date, he knows he doesn't need to look at the missing time.  _ Those  _ entries contained few happy times and more sadness and pain than he cared for—the memories of the war he'd fought in. 

 

Shaking his head in dismissal, he reads what the entry is:

 

_ December 24, 2006 _

_ I only stay long enough for him to confess something to me. _

 

Shiro thinks that he knows what Lance tells him and the next entry, one year later, confirms his suspicions.

 

_ July 28, 2007 _

_ Our first date. He's as handsome as the day I fell in love all those years ago. _

 

Shiro decides that he'll visit the first event for only a few minutes, even though he could stay longer than when he went farther back in time. Perhaps, if he only stays for a short time, Lance won't fall in love. Perhaps, Shiro will be able to turn him down and prevent any further pain. Either way, he'll risk it if it means he can keep talking to Lance. 

 

The rational part of him knows that he can't change the past. The part of him that's a lovesick fool ignores it. He lets his eyes fall shut and begins the jump back in time, the burning in his stomach starting up with a vengeance.

 

When the jump is complete, he touches his face before opening his eyes. He'd known what he was going to feel, but it's still sickening to feel the warped skin that marrs his nose. Because the scar is there, he opens his eyes to see exactly what he expected—a metal arm. There was no doubt about it. He's in his 20-year-old body, shortly after being discharged. 

 

Shiro realizes with a twinge of confusion that the pain and burning sensation are still there. He wants to ignore it, but he knows that he's reaching the limit of Travels he can take in a day. 

 

He breaks his gaze from the prosthetic to examine the scene around him. He's in front of Lance’s house, which is decked out in lights and has a small tree in the window. There's a little bit of snow piled up around the house, as if it had been recently shoveled and pushed around. Knowing Lance and his siblings, they'd probably played in it earlier. 

 

Shiro knocks on the door, and when it swings open, he sees that it's just the boy he'd been wanting to see. Lance blinks in confusion at the sight of Shiro on his doorstep and stares blankly for nearly an entire minute. When it seems that he has his bearings back, he yelps Shiro’s name and hugs him. Shiro takes a few steps back, sticking his foot out past Lance to bump the front door closed. He hugs Lance back, but quickly pushes him back by his shoulders. 

 

When Lance is separated from him, Shiro opens his mouth to tell Lance that he's only visiting—that this needs to be the last time they meet and that Lance needs to forget about him. But, Lance speaks up before Shiro can. 

 

“Shiro! I've known you for 10 years now, and I wanted to tell you something. I've always told you my secrets, but I don't want the thing I need to say to be a secret any longer.” He takes a breath and smiles, and Shiro feels a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

 

“I have a crush on you, Shiro. I'd even dare to call it love. I… I don't know how long I've loved you, but it just feels… natural; like, it feels like it's always been this way. Unavoidable and undeniable. Yeah, unavoidable and undeniable sounds right.”

 

He's beaming up at Shiro, who's trying to come up with a desperate excuse to deny Lance. He has a pitiful one right up his sleeve, so he tries to use it. He holds out his hand and motions to the scar on his face, avoiding Lance’s eyes.

 

“Lance, I doubt you could love me with these ugly things. Besides, even if you did, everyone would just think that you're dating me out of pity. I don't want that for either of us. As it is, I… I can't return your feelings. Besides, I came here to tell you that this is the last time that I'm going to come see you. Please, never look for me and never ask anyone about me, especially any type of gang.”

 

It's a horrible, nasty lie—and Shiro is well aware of how much he  _ does  _ love Lance. He's trying to convince himself that what he said is true and for the better when he looks back into Lance’s eyes. 

 

Lance has a look of pure terror and panic spreading across his face, tears welling up in his clear blue eyes. It makes Shiro experience some of the worst guilt in his life and he feels an overwhelming urge to apologize, but he keeps his mouth shut. Lance lets out a whimper and Shiro can't take it anymore. He turns around, but is kept in place by Lance grabbing onto his metal arm. When Lance speaks up, it's rushed and panicked, yet soft.

 

“Why? Please don't leave me, Shiro. If it's appearances you care about, I really couldn't care less. Who cares? It just shows that you were brave and fought in a war others were too scared to enlist in. Those may be bad memories for you, Shiro, but I’m incredibly proud of them. If it's because you don't feel the same way, that's fine. Just give me one date. That's all. You can make it terrible, but I just want to be able to tell myself that I did it. Just please,  _ please _ don't leave me for good.  _ Please, Shiro _ .”

 

What did he come here for? Telling Lance “no” was like telling a wall to crumble on command. It couldn't be done. What was the point? 

 

It's in that moment that Shiro makes his decision. Either way, he's fucked. He knows that Lance doesn't understand the  _ why _ of things right now, and he probably won't ever know. Or, if he does realize it during the  _ incident _ , knowing him, Shiro thinks Lance won't regret it. Shiro can already feel the past and the power of fate opening his mouth to answer for him—to keep the future as it is. 

 

“... Alright, Lance. I… won't leave you forever. I'll give you that chance. I've got to go right now, but I'll plan a date. Bye, Lance.”

 

“Wait! How do I know that you aren't going to disappear again? For good this time.”

 

Shiro thinks about this for a moment. When he answers, he remains facing away from Lance.

 

“Your birthday next year is on a Tuesday, right?”  Lance nods and makes a hum of affirmation.

 

“Okay, I'll meet you at the cafe in town on that Tuesday at 4:00 pm. I'll be there.”

 

Without waiting for Lance's response, he yanks his hand out of Lance’s grasp and begins walking into a shadowed area surrounded by snow. His stomach is still hurting and burning from the previous jump and it nearly explodes when he lets his body return to his own time. 

 

When he feels a warm breeze hit him, he distantly realizes that the Travel was successful. However, he can't care too much about that because he's on his side, curled up into a fetal position. Shiro’s vision is blacking out and he's coughing and wheezing, trying to take air in. Suddenly, something hot enters his mouth from his throat. Shiro spits it out and when he opens his eyes, he sees that it's a dark red liquid.  _ Blood _ . Fuck, he's definitely hit his limit now. No matter how much he wants to see Lance, the next jump  _ will _ kill him.

 

As Shiro’s eyes drift to Blue and the notebook—still sitting dutifully and silently on the bench—he's tempted to go ahead and make that last jump. But, something inside Shiro tells him to stop. He feels like Blue is telling him to stop, her dirty glass eyes staring mournfully at him. With difficulty, he reins his morbid desire in and sits up, the coughing having subsided but the pain in his stomach still very much present.

 

The park is quiet and dark around him, and something deep within him inspires him to stand up and pick up the two trinkets. Still mentally out of it, his feet begin to walk. Tired, he decides to let his body take him where it wants to be; he thinks he knows where it's going anyways. 

 

Struggling to keep consciousness, he lets his mind wander on to the next event he would've visited: his and Lance’s first time, back when Lance was 21. His fogged mind can’t remember the details of the actual sex, but he remembered the moans and whispered words. He remembers Lance’s lopsided, dopey grin afterwards. But the thing he remembers most clearly was their conversation afterwards, Lance laying his head on Shiro’s chest.

 

_ Shiro sighed and closed his eyes. “You know Lance, I never wanted anything in this life that I couldn’t stand losing. It… it’s too late for that now,” he whispers. Lance let out a contented sigh and gently kissed the nearest patch of Shiro’s skin.  _

 

Shiro splashes through a puddle, stumbling due to the persistent pain. He feels more blood pooling in his mouth, but he’s too out of it to spit it out. His body drags itself forward towards a dark building. When he reaches the door, he reaches his hand out to grasp the handle. Another memory flashes behind his eyes. 

 

_ Shiro flipped his and Lance’s position so that Lance was beneath him. He tangled their fingers together and looked into Lance’s eyes. Although he was happy in this moment, he knew that he’d have to leave as soon as Lance fell asleep. There were many feelings that he wanted to express to his lover, but he decided to merely give him a promise. After all, their entire relationship evolved from a promise. As he thought about what to say, Lance began to mumble. _

 

_ “Hey, did you know that when I was younger, I thought that you were my imaginary friend? I wasn’t ever sure that you were real since you came infrequently and stayed for so short of a time. I’d actually convinced myself that you  _ were  _ imaginary until that time you came around Christmas and I told you how I felt. Nobody ever believed me until I took that picture of us on our first date. Still, even through all that, I know that you’re very much real because you’re in my arms and in my bed right now.” He leaned up and kissed Shiro.  _

 

_ Shiro sighed again and kissed Lance back. When he broke away, he whispered his promise against Lance’s lips. “Lance, I want to always see you from now on, until we’re both old in the future. I want to be full of memories that I’ve made with you and be able to reminisce. Even if it kills me, I’ll cross my heart and hope to die and promise you that I’ll see you with your laughter lines, okay?” _

 

_ He let go of Lance’s hand at that and got off of the bed, beginning to pull on his pants. He told Lance that he was going to go for a walk—that he’d be back soon, if he wasn’t distracted or something urgent came up. Shiro told him that even if he didn’t come back quick enough, to not ask around about him. He told Lance that the one group he should never ask is the Galra. Lance only gave him a confused nod in response. Before he could get out of the door, though, Lance came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. When he spoke, his voice was still soft. _

 

_ “I don’t want you to go, but… you mentioned ‘forever’. Can… can you guarantee me that?” _

 

_ Shiro was confused. “How? What do you have in mind?” _

 

_ “Marry me.” _

 

_ This shocked Shiro, but he wasn’t opposed to the idea. Rather, marrying Lance and being able to always have him to come back to—an anchor in time—seemed more appealing by the second. After nearly half a minute of pondering silence, Shiro nodded.  _

 

_ “I think I could do that. So, let me ask this properly: will you, Lance McClain, marry me?” _

 

_ Lance answered him with a kiss.  _

 

The door swings open and Shiro stumbles inside the building, merely showing a key to the lady at the front desk. Seeing the key, she gives him a concerned look, but allows him to go past the desk and down a hallway. The light is dim here, and it reminds Shiro of a less pleasant memory: the day he’d gone back to again and again and  _ again.  _ The day he got Lance back broken.

 

_ October 3, 2016. Shiro was on a Traveling spree for nearly three months, making use of his ability to find out the truth about certain crimes for the detective agency he’d worked for over the last four years. He hid how he was able to find out things no other person should know, but the agency hadn’t pressed him for answers—they were too thankful for his help.  _

 

_ He stayed at a cheap apartment and cut off communication with Lance. Lance was used to Shiro coming and going and even dropping off of the face of the earth, occasionally, but he’d never been gone that long. He hoped that Lance would still be at home today. Shiro bought a bouquet of blue baby’s breath as an “I’m sorry” gift. _

 

Shiro stops in front of one of the doors in the hallway. It’s as he’s putting the key in it and turning it that he realizes that this is nearly identical to that day. The room beyond the door is silent, too. The door swings open.

 

_ The door swung open. On the floor there was a note that simply read:  _

 

_ “When we ask for payment, we expect it. When we come for that payment, we get it in any way we can. We had fun breaking your little toy, but don’t worry too much. It wasn’t anything personal on our end. _

 

 

  * __Galra Empire”__



 

 

_ The note and flowers dropped out of his hands as he rushed deeper into the house. In their bedroom, there was Lance. Shiro grabbed him up into his arms, but Lance did nothing. Shiro sensed something was wrong and backed away slightly, only to see his husband staring blankly ahead. His mouth hung limply open, drool wetting the corners of his chin. His skin was cooler than usual. Shiro would’ve thought him dead, if it weren’t for the faint breathing. His heart breaks. _

 

Shiro half hopes that the man sitting inside the room will be back to normal, but he’s been here enough times to know that he’s hoping in vain. He walks farther in, feeling the cold draft inside of the room and drops to his knees in front of the bed. There’s no response, but why should there be? Lance was broken and empty anyways. 

 

Lance is sitting up in the bed with his feet hanging off of the side, no doubt the positioning done by a worker who probably forgot to lay him back down. His pretty, pure blue eyes are glassy like a doll’s. His face looks ashen in the dark room. In fact, he very much resembles a doll with how he’s slumped over, as if he’d been discarded by a careless master. Any healing that Shiro had undergone during the Travels today is immediately ripped asunder. Despair fills him to the core.

 

Shiro groans in agony as his stomach lets loose another searing round of pain and all he can do is let his head fall forward onto one of Lance’s knees. Weakly, Shiro drags his hand up and places the dirty little lion in Lance’s lap. He smiles, pained.

 

“Hey, sweetheart. I… I brought your favorite toy. See? It’s Blue. She’s a bit torn up, but that’s okay, isn’t it? I mean, I’m worn-down and torn, but you still loved me. Remember when you gave me her? You were just six years old and you told me that you’d hold her whenever you felt sad. Remember how I was feeling a little down that day? You just handed her to me without hesitation. You were always like that, weren’t you? You’ve always given up things precious to you to make not only the important people in your life, but complete strangers happy, too. That’s what I love about you.”

 

Tears are falling down his face now in big, fat drops and he lets out a choked sob. “I love you, Lance. Please don’t leave me.”

 

There’s no response from above—only silence and the sound of Lance’s soft breaths.

 

“ _ Please. _ ”

 

Blackness fills his vision and Shiro’s a little glad that he didn’t use up that last Travel. After all, that just means he can do this all again tomorrow. The present and the boy who’s lap he’s laying his head in aren’t what he wants to see. The boy above him doesn’t smile anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> If you ever do anything in response to this (Fanart for some godforsaken, wild reason or drabbles or just thoughts, tweet it to me at @starryeyekitten, or send it to my Tumblr, kittenkanaya) and I hope you enjoyed and are able to pick up the pieces of your heart if I happened to break it.


End file.
